Unconditional Love is Possible

By: Emily Bouchard

"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain." - Emily Dickinson

Yesterday, my 25-year-old stepdaughter called from Hawaii to talk with me. During an hour-long conversation about life and losses, hopes and dreams, & fears and doubts, we shared laughter and tears together. At the end of our talk, she expressed something from her heart that I never thought I�d hear. She said "While it was so painful, I�m glad my parents got divorced so that I could have you in my life." Her gratitude fills my heart and spills over in tears of love and joy, flowing again as I write her words. I entered her life when she was 18 and still recovering from the shock of her mother moving out 2 months earlier. She watched her parents struggle to salvage their marriage over the course of the previous year, and she struggled with her own pain and fears around their imminent break-up. At first, I filled a role of trusted confidant and friend. I supported her in her studies, and I helped her express her feelings of confusion, loss and grief related to her parents divorce. Then, she moved to Germany for a year as a nanny to a young family with 2 children. With the physical distance came a wall of resistance to me. She allowed herself the freedom to be angry with me and my presence in her life. We went for over 6 months without any communication at all between us. I wondered if that would ever change.

When she moved back home, I felt like I was living with a split personality. One minute she would be sweet, nice, and open, the next minute she would be gloomy, moody, and hateful towards me. Together we got to confront her feelings about me head on. She used all her "passive aggressive" arsenal of weapons against me � cold, hard stares, rolled eyes, looks that could kill, a venomous smile as she delivered a piercing blow with her silent responses to my overtures of reaching out. She was shifting from being the girl who did everything to please everyone else to a woman who had her own opinions, and spoke her own mind regardless of what anyone else thought.

It was an amazing process to go through. While she was armed with her weapons, I had my protective armor and full toolbox. I felt like Wonder Woman with her bracelets, fending off one shot after the next! I used every tool I'd been trained with and discovered what worked and what did not. I learned painful lessons about myself in the midst of receiving her wrath, and I gained an inner strength and knowing as we navigated that awful time successfully together. I was not afraid of the onslaught. I knew in my heart how important it was for her healing process (and mine). And I welcomed it. No, it was not fun or enjoyable in any way. And I welcomed it � because I knew how important it was for her development and growth (and mine). Being willing to be hated was a tough one, and it made a big difference. It didn't mean that I just took it all with a smile � it meant that I was willing to go the distance with her and to show her that no matter what, I was there and would always love her.

During that time, the four of us (my husband, his two daughters, and myself) went to a daylong workshop on Byron Katie's The Work. The girls got into a fight on the way to the workshop and were barely speaking to each other by the time we entered the room and took our seats. We were asked to write out The Work on a current situation that was causing us pain in our lives. My eldest stepdaughter, the one with all the anger, chose to write about her sister and what had just happened between them. When the presenter asked for a volunteer, she raised her hand and was chosen.

As she read her piece and did her work, so many truths about her feelings and beliefs unraveled before all our eyes � and revealed to each of us the same inner workings in our own minds. She did her work while looking directly at her younger sister, who was more familiar with this tool and who knew that she was learning much more about her sister and how she feels about herself. At one point, the presenter asked her: "Is there anything your sister can do that would keep you from loving her?" to which she replied "No." There wasn't a dry eye in the place as everyone got the depth of the meaning for all our hearts. We each have the capacity to love unconditionally once we truly embrace and love ourselves with all our faults. Love is a choice. Love is an action. Love is a verb. She discovered that "no matter what" she would always love her sister.

As she continues to do the work and to explore who she really is, she is able to extend that kind of love to others, including the stepmother who she once could not stand!If I can support even one stepparent in discovering this place of unconditional love, then my life has been well spent.

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Emily Bouchard, has over 18 years of experience in working with children and families to deal with problems. Emily is also a loving stepmother to two young women who were teenagers when she entered their lives. She publishes a free Blended Families newsletter. Don't miss her Caring

page.
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dreams 1 ABC

dreams
Superstitions about Dreams and Meanings of Dreams.
WHEN you had the dream:
Dreams at night are a devil's delight Dreams in the morning, heed the angels' warning.
WHAT the dream was about:
ACORNS Dreaming of acorns predicts pleasant things & that much gain is to be expected.For a woman to dream of eating acorns denotes that she will rise to a position of ease & pleasure.To dream of shaking acorns from a tree means that you will rapidly attain your wishes in business or love.
AIRPORT In a dream the sight of a busy airport represents the desire for freedom and/or travel.If the airport is empty and deserted your own travel plans will be changed or delayed.
ALMONDS If you see almonds in your dream you'll have a temporary sorrow.If you ate and enjoyed them, you'll be lucky, but if they tasted bitter, you should delay any contemplated changes for as long as possible.
ANGELS A favorable dream forecasting success, protection, happiness, and rewarding friendships.
BABY To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love affair may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make new and fun friends.If a woman dreams she is nursing a baby, she will be deceived by the one she trusts the most
BALLOON Seeing balloons in your dream indicates a dashing of hope on any and all fronts, business or love, as well as a general falling off of all kinds of businesses you may be involved in.If you are ascending in a balloon this is an omen of especially frustrating conditions in your life.
BEAR To dream of killing a bear foretells liberation from entanglements.BEDTo dream of a clean, white bed denotes the end of worries.If a woman dreams of making a bed, there will soon be a new lover in her life.
BICYCLE To dream of riding a bicycle uphill signifies bright prospects.To dream of riding downhill calls for care - misfortune is near.BIRDSFlying birds are a sign of prosperity to the dreamer.
BIRTH If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.
BUTTERFLY To see a butterfly among flowers indicates prosperity.To see butterflies flying around denotes news from absent friends by letter or from someone who has seen them.
CANDLES To see candles burning with a clear and steady flame denotes the constancy of those around you and a well-grounded fortune.
CATS Dreaming of a cat is a generally unfortunate omen and it shows treachery as well as a run of bad luck.Cats attacking you represent enemies; if you succeed banishing them you will overcome great obstacles and rise in fortune and fame.
CROW Seeing a crow in your dream means disappointment in everything, grief and misfortune.
CROWN To dream of a crown predicts a change in your life. The dreamer will travel a long distance from home & form new relationships.

quiz

What or who first made these catch-phrases famous?

1..I'll be back..
2..Lovely Jubbly! (or Luvvly Jubbly!)
3..Correctomundo
4..Famous for fifteen minutes.
5..And now for something completely different...
6..Whassup? (or Wazzup?)
7..Does my bum look big in this?
8..Big Brother (is watching you..)
9..And so to bed.
10..I love it when a plan comes together.
11..Evening all. (or Evenin' all)
12..Show me the money!

13..You bet your sweet bippy.
14..Be all that you can be.
15..Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
16..You're going to like this - not a lot.. (but you'll like it..)
17..The world is your lobster.
18..(It's) Naughty... but nice.
19..To infinity, and beyond..
20..He can run, but he can't hide. (also adapted to You can run, but you can't hide/They can run, but they can't hide)



ANSWERS


1.The Terminator - the 1984 film, as spoken by the Terminator character, played by Arnold Schwarzenneger.

2.Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter - played by David Jason in the 1980's-90's BBC TV comedy show Only Fools and Horses.

3.Fonzie/The Fonz/Arthur Fonzarelli - played by Henry Winkler in the 1970's-80's US comedy series Happy Days.

4.Andy Warhol - US pop artist - he first used it in a 1968 exhibition catalogue. Years later, when tiring of constant reference to the phrase, he coined the ironic amusing variation: "In fifteen minutes, everybody will be famous."

5.Monty Python's Flying Circus - BBC TV comedy show, 1960's-70's, written by Cleese, Palin, Jones, etc. Eric Idle was first to use the phrase as 'the Monty Python announcer' in the show's first episode on 5 October 1969, although John Cleese chiefly delivered the line in later shows.

6.Budweiser beer commercials - or the full company name Anheuser-Busch Budweiser - the 'Wassup' Budweiser beer TV commercials campaign was launched around 2000 - the concept was created by Charles Stone and popularized in the Budweiser ads produced by the DDB advertising agency of Chicago.

7.'The Insecure Woman' character, played by Arabella Weir, in The Fast Show - created Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson, 1990's.
8.1984 - the dark futuristic novel by George Orwell, published in 1949 - the phrase appeared in the description of a government poster, in part 1, chapter 1.

9.Samuel Pepys - pronounced 'peeps' - from Samuel Pepys's Diary, one of the most signicant written works describing 17th century life in England, written 1660-69.

10.Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith, played by George Peppard, from the 1980's US TV action series The A-Team.
11.PC George Dixon - the main character of Dixon of Dock Green, the 1950's-70's BBC TV police series.

12.Jerry Maguire - the 1996 film, shouted by footballer Rod Tidwell, played by Cuba Gooding Junior

13.Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in - US comedy series from the 1960's-70's, in which numerous guests used the phrase and variations of it. Bippy incidentally is a euphemism for backside or buttocks.

14.US Army recruitment slogan from the late 1970's to 2001. Maybe one day all political leaders will meet the same selfless standards that they expect of their soldiers.

15.Emile Coue - pronounced 'coo-ay', (and properly spelled Émile Coué, with the accents acute) - Coué, a the French positive thinking advodate and teacher, popularized the expression as part of his widely adopted and frequently very successful auto-suggestion therapy and personal development methods during the 1920's. Coué's concepts became known as Couesm - technically Couéism -

16.Paul Daniels - British magician and TV show host, he popularized the expression notably on The Paul Daniels Magic Show which ran from 1979-94.

17.Arthur Daley, played by George Cole, in the Minder ITV series, first broadcast in 1979 and hugely popular during the 1980's.

18.Cream cakes TV advert by the National Dairy Council which appeared on UK television in the 1980's.

19.Buzz Lightyear, voice played by Tim Allen, in the 1995 film animation Toy Story.

20.Joe Louis - real name Joseph Louis Barrow, US heavy-weight boxer referring to his opponent Billy Conn before Conn's challenge for Louis's world title in 1946. Louis won.